Tuesday, April 3, 2012

my teeth are straighter when
i'm not sleeping with anyone (on a regular basis)
because it means i can put my retainers in every night
and not worry about them getting in the way

my toothpaste lasts longer
i can press snooze a hundred times
and not feel so guilty about it.

i can have my favorite pillow every night
and never worry about making my bed properly
because there is no one i have to share the sheets with.
i can stroll back into my room at 5:45 am
in the rain
and laugh about it until I fall asleep.

there is freedom in the act
even if the first amendment can't be held
no speech here
no screams here
no songs here
just silence.

but there are so many words i wish i could share with you
so many words that i want to shout across the country
so many explanations and questions
so many jokes and odd occurrences
so many frustrating events that would allow me to posit us against them
the outside world
instead of me against you.
i don't want to fight anymore
i'm tired of fighting in the silence
i'd rather wrestle until we were just so exhausted
that we had no choice but to fall down
in each others arms
in utter fatigue and surrender
i don't want to lose you.
but i'm too stubborn to give in
to scared to be vulnerable
unwilling to just lean into this one
i'm sorry.
i guess that's the easysimpleshortandtothepoint of it
i'm sorry.

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